You are probably thinking, this is another “clickbait”, a misleading title for all we know. Hey, I should tell you right now. It kind of is…. and it also isn’t.
I have been intending to start a blog for so long but I never know where or how to start. The crux of the matter is, I have a lot going on in my mind; a lot of ideas, inspirations and weird(sometimes inappropriate) thoughts that I would like to share but I don’t always know how to put it in words that are quite fitting. Until this afternoon.
The title is a clickbait because, hey who doesn’t want an eye-catching title for their first blogpost (Hi-five to finally starting one!). Joking aside, it could be considered a clickbait because I am writing here not knowing what I am really going to write about. What follows are abrupt regurgitations of flights of ideas that roam my brain. So keyboard warriors, forgive the typos and what have not.
People describe me as a calm, happy-going individual. I guess not many really know about the real “Me”. Sensitive, emotional and I do get quite upset easily. Someone who is not good with jokes because I will probably take them too seriously; but yet I will never show a fragment of that emotion. So I ask myself, by doing what I do? I hypothetically let nothing upset me but also let myself into a big war of internal facade of being content and being happy when really my expectations do not match my reality. Now, don’t get me wrong,I have a good and comfortable life. This is no means of voicing out ungratefulness, it is but a blurry attempt to delve into my own consciousness. How to: not let anything upset me.
Today while I was whipping up a culinary masterpiece (yep, you heard me) in the kitchen for my sister and I’s dinner I heard a kid outside, possibly around 9-10 years of age chanting an abusive song(?) that targets a specific kind of minority. If it was aimed at us, I do not know but what I do know is that it really upset me. It made me scared and had me hiding behind the walls. Then I snapped out of it; what am I doing? Why am I so scared of a 10 yrs old kid that it had me hiding behind a wall? Why do I let this seemingly trivial thing upset me? Then the realisation kicked in, I wasn’t scared I was embarrassed. Embarrassed for reasons I am not exactly sure of but what was running through my head is that “I hope none of our other neighbours hear this.”. Eventually I realised, the constant exposure to passive hate and exclusion has led me to somehow dislike the person I am. I was ashamed of being me. But why exactly? I have no idea! I am fully aware that that kind of thinking was irrational and insane to think the least! Or is it? A part of me believes in how great I am and the other part just seem to magnify my weaknesses. Somewhere I heard that when someone is taken out of his/her natural environment not by will or desire, and then you place that person in a completely alienated environment, you force that person to “play the game”. When you have to deal with circumstances that are out of your norm on a daily basis, all of a sudden you learn how to put a face on and play the game. In my case, I completely agree.
The fundamental aspect of mastering the How to to not letting anyone upset you is to not care at all! But when half of your life has been built around mapping people, trying to find out ( the hard way usually) what is socially acceptable and what is not so that you can “play the game”, it is kinda hard not to get upset over the littlest things. This child has terrible behaviour, I think the whole neighbourhood would agree- enough altercations with him and his father take place out in the streets at least twice a week. But how come I cannot seem to see past that? This is a troubled kid and what he says or how he acts is a by-product of that, it has nothing to do with me. My point is, being upset gets the best of us and sometimes no matter how you know and how much you want to go against your emotions, you really cannot escape.
It is OK to be upset, what’s important is that you acknowledge these emotions, let them pass- write a blog or something but never ever try and blame yourself for feeling upset. It will do you no good. But as the cliche line goes, it’s easier said than done.
I didn’t plan for this first blog post to be so nega and for lack of a better term, meh! but hey, thanks for reading 🙂
joyce01speaks 